Late night? Dig into life

It's late at night. Not incredibly late but I should be getting some sleep. I have been waivering between not enough sleep and too much sleep. I guess you can say I am not on a schedule. I am working on it. Some days I have enough energy and drive to make my goals. Most days seem like getting up is the hardest thing in the world. It kind of paints a picture of what in the heck my life is like, a little chaos never hurts anyone but unmanagable chaos starts killing the soul. I cannot say that everything is like I want it, it's not. I want to sit and analyze my current situation but I dont even have the energy anymore. Seems like things are so blurry I cannot keep it straight. I try to put myself in Daniels shoes but it's hard. I know he is conflicted but you can tell the bullshit is catching up with him and that he cannot function. Almost to the point of giving up on everything. It's sad. I have this silly quality in me to think if he sees that I am here things wouldnt be so bad. If we tackle them together it would be easier but that wont happen. He steps in shit all day and soon as you know it he is struggling to breath because it is almost past his mouth. I tell him all the time to stop taking her calls and texts but he cant and wont. It seems to me he cannot do it because then he isnt being treated like shit and that's the way of life he has known. Everyone is miserable. Him, me, the kids, and she is too. But its awful to think 1 person can cause this much unhappiness but its true. She has no soul and will kill everything daniel has until he has nothing but her. It's sad because the first time in my life I can say I am in love. I have this huge place in my heart for him and only him. I know we have our problems but I can say he is genuine in his talks and actions towards me. He cares. I see it. But I think it is completely drowned out by drama that we cannot enjoy eachother completely because there are always eyes watching, people talking, lies being told, hearts broken, daily routines altered, and lives changed by her evil touch. We are on different levels. I am at a place to accept love and have stability and start living my life. He is trying to live on that plane but is knocked off a couple times a week by her. I prayed to God last night that he let the truth be shown to me and everything going on around me. That I can be strong and get through this. I can see parts of me are being lost. I am not sure if I could walk away because I sacrificed so much to be here with him. I lost friends, support of some family members, sometimes my sanity when things get out of control. I think the bigger thing is I am losing my soul and losing interest in the things I use to enjoy. Things are changing. I am trying to expose myself to new areas of life, to new things. I did get another job to support the phillips/kurz clan here in WBL. I am excited to meet new people and have them know nothing about my life and start out with a blank page. That way I can invent myself. I kind of feel that instead of being a strong person and standing up to situations and people and for myself and morals I am just taking the crap because I do not want a fight or commotion inside myself anymore. I dont think that this is what life is suppose to be about but i am trying to make it the best I can.